I’m starting to feel detached again. There warning signs are like bells in my head. I’m not talking to the new friends I made, not out of avoidance, but the simple ‘I have nothing to talk about.’  I don’t know what to say. I feel myself drifting.

Have you ever felt alone in the world? The feeling that you are just walking though the blur of passing moments; adrift because you are so utterly alone. It’s not depression, cause I have never hit rock bottom. But just the feeling that there’s no one there and that you are just shouting at walls. Like little Echo sitting in the tree, waiting for people to pass by but never being able to tell Narcissius how she feels about him. Like this is some endless dream.

I know life exists beyond the insignificance of me. Others think, therefore they are, a sort of spin off Descartes’ theory.  There are ideas that exist beyond my simple comprehension, beyond what I could ever grasp. So I know I am not in a dream. Because if there are things I can not comprehend, how can I be alone? My mind is not that complex to be able to trick myself to that extent. I and the world exist because there are those who feel what I don’t feel. I only wish I didn’t feel cut off from it.

I’m waiting for Friday. Doing good deeds give me a temporary joy. Right now that is all I need.

So I’m writing this reader, explaining these rambled thoughts because I need to explain to someone how I feel. Things I will probably never find it in myself to speak aloud. I want you to know if you feel numb, then you aren’t alone. Cause the world and its people exists as long you know somewhere out there someone feels the way you do at whatever moment in time. Its and odd sort of comforting thought, but there you go. I exist, because you do.